I really like her stomach...I mean I love her stomach, holy shit. She's beautiful also, which helps, but god damn. Ok. Now to the depressing shit.

My mom's husband of 15 years has fallen into alcoholism, HARD. I've never known him to be a drunk, maybe he has been this entire time and my mom's just never mentioned it, but she's mentioning it now.

He is not going to work, he is taking an entire bottle of vodka into his bedroom, drinking it all and passing out then waking up and going to the store and buying another bottle. He is a stumbling drunk.

He apparently isn't mean, but he's still drunk and he has fallen so far so fast my mom doesn't know what to do.

I have an 11 year old little sister who is witnessing all of this and she wants him to leave (its her dad) because he's so out of control. My mom began going to Al-Anon meetings last week to try and find some advice. He is in pain from some sciatic nerve injury and uses that as an excuse to drink. He isn't happy in their marriage and uses that as an excuse to drink. He uses everything as an excuse to drink.

I told her yesterday that she can always bring my sister to my house and move in with us until she figures out what she's going to do. It would be cramped, but we'd manage. She doesn't want to leave, she loves him, she wants him to get better and stay...but that may not be an option.

I am perplexed by this all. I have had by all accounts a shitty childhood, I have a rocky marriage, I am prone to depression, have spent tons of time in a counselor's office, have no family support system and yet drinking non-stop to ease the pain has never been an option. I also have a heavy history of alcoholism in my family (aunts, uncles, my DAD, great uncles) and have thought about hitting the bottle while I'm crying to myself but DON'T because I know I have people who depend on me to just soldier through the shit.

I am furious, but I can only offer my mom help, she doesn't want me to go over there and beat them man into sobriety, she's specifically asked me not to (knowing that would be my gut reaction).

On top of this, my mom and I have never had a very good relationship. Over the past 5 or 6 years my family has become closer with her and my little sister, but not me, not really. I was taken away from her when I was 12 because she was doing certain things that made her an unfit parent. When I was kicked out of my dad's house at 17 and had nowhere to go she wouldn't take me in. When I put myself through college she stole money from me. As I said, the past half-decade we've been fine, but not "close", and now this.

To put a cherry on top of this, last night my wife and I had a blow out fight. I told her calmly that the way she treats me, specifically how she is treating me right now, is why I don't want to be with her, that I don't want to be with her right now because of this, to which she replies "fine, I don't care" in the snottiest tone possible. The entire fight was rooted in the fact that she was in a pissy mood the second she walked in the door because her best friend is moving to Germany and it upsets her, so she unleashes her anger at me. I have enough shit going on with my work, my house, my family and now my mom that I don't need to bear the wrath of my wife especially if it has nothing to do with me. I am at another cracking point I believe.

When I restarted this journal and said it would be fun to watch me fail, this is what I was talking about.

Now I have to leave, I have a root canal scheduled at noon.

.

How ridiculous am I? Here's an example. I play pool every Monday night with a friend who I've known for going on 20 years now. We start around 8 or 9PM and I am usually home by 11:30 PM, nothing crazy. We shoot pool, I drink 6 or 7 gin and tonics and we go home, usually in time for the Colbert Report.

Last night was no different; we got there around 9 PM and had been playing pool for about an hour and a half, when somehow we got on the topic of where two roads intersected (Telegraph and Dix/Toledo Rd....for those of you who might know the area). These roads were in a part of the state we call, "down river", and not at all close to where we live or play pool. Eventually the friendly discussion turned into a bet, which turned into an unplanned, middle of the night road trip to the Michigan / Ohio border using only surface streets, no freeways, because we were looking for two roads to intersect (I was actually looking for them NOT to intersect), so we had to drive the entire course of one road until it ended...which happened to be at the Ohio border, about 2 hours later. I won. They didn't cross. Or at least I thought I won until I looked at a map this morning (we didn't have a map on us last night, hence the road trip). THe roads don't intersect, they merge; the road we were on absorbs the road my friend thought intersected the road we were on and since we were driving south, and the other road came down from the north east to merge with the road we were on and there was no signal at the merge, we missed the merge all together. So now I don't know if I won. I mean, the roads DID meet, just not at an intersection...and they really actually merged, not crossed...so I don't know...man am I tired...

Because Karl Rove has decided to resign, I thought it would be prudent to take the "Chances of Surviving a Zombie Attack" quiz I found on Pud's blog; obviously the only reason that Satan would give up his seat at the right hand of the president is because some huge world altering event is about to happen, and he has to go do some planning. Seriously, in 6 months when we're all astonished with whatever cataclysmic event has taken place AFTER Rove resigned you guy's will all be screwed while Pud and I will be prepared to fend off the reanimated, irradiated corpses of our friends and family members because we had the presence of mind to realize Karl Rove walking away from his position of power was an early indicator of some sort of apocalypse.

97%

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

"I got my period! Did u get yours yet?" Probably one of the best text messages I've received this year. The anime girl in the drawing even has red hair...

So the point of this whole exercise is that I should masturbate with internet porn more and get drunk in public less. The combination of only having sex with my wife a handful of times in the past 18-months and me being out on the town drunk resulted in some very bad decisions which resulted in my panic attack. As I find myself saying often, about numerous different things, "I will never do that again". It's always fun to watch me fail.

This is my new favorite thing. Don't get me wrong, my real favorite thing still is receiving blowjobs, but this show is more reliable (its on every Sunday night at 10:30 PM). Its on HBO and you should watch it this Sunday night.

There, I'm talking about something else other than the thing I had been talking about.

If you like music and great stuff, you'll love this. If you don't love it, then I don't understand you and you worry me.

I forgot to mention that I had to fire an employee last week, and even though it was a long time coming, it sucked. He was a young kid, like 24 years old, and he just couldn't focus. I had given him every chance in the world but he just couldn't do it. I am a ridiculously laid back boss, and will really try to work with anyone as long as they're making an effort. He's been with me for over a year, and at his last review when everyone else was getting a 6% raise because we've been doing so good, I gave him an insulting nickel raise and told him he needed to get his shit together or he'd be fired. He tried a for like a month and then promptly went back to his unfocused way.

When I let him go I gave him the phone number for a friend of mine who owns a machine shop and needed some janitorial help. Thats a pretty good firing; your boss who is firing you sets you up with another job....right? Anyway, my buddy hired the kid and the kid was 10 minutes late his very first day...he was 5 minutes late his second day, and I told my buddy he should let him go and forgo the impending pain this kid would bring, so he did. The stupid kid didn't even last 2-days.

In this shitty economy in the metro Detroit area you'd think people would be working hard to keep their jobs, but some people just don't care I guess.

Well, sex has lost its appeal for the foreseeable future. I mean, blow jobs and cunnilingus are possibilities, but intercourse is a little off putting just now with the prospect of another child as a product of the fucking.

To think that my entire life, everything, every aspect of it could change with just one drunken slip of the cock is more than a bit scary.

I never liked fucking. I like oral sex. MY parents were 16 and 17 when they had me, and as a result, when I was growing up, all my dad ever said to me was, "you better watch where you put that thing, you get some girl knocked up don't come cryin to me". He was sure I was going to repeat his high school performance and what came of it was I never had intercourse. I finally lost my virginity to a girl I had known since kindergarten, and it was only after she spent years convincing me it was all going to be ok and we were not going to be having any kids.

As an adult, that disinterest in intercourse has continued. I will gladly spend 3 hours on screwing around and foreplay, but fucking makes me nervous. The good news is that because of the lack of interest in fucking, I got really good at cunnilingus. So that's a plus.

Twice this week my wife made advances towards me, which is unheard of, and only once did I respond and even that time I didn't let us fuck, we just got each other off.

I keep waiting for the call from that girl letting me know she's been feeling nauseous in the mornings...

I soooo just deleted those last two posts...do I know the answer to my nagging question? Nope. Nuthin I can do about it now either except wait. I hope everything turns out fine, but if it doesn't I guess I'll have to deal with it. In the meantime, here are my 90210 sideburns with my baby.