I still know the girl who I lost my virginity to, and no, its not my wife. I met my cherry taker in kindergarten, and she was the first girl I kissed way back when I was 5-years old.
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We went on through grade school together and in 7th grade, we finally became official boyfriend and girlfriend. Her family was as different as could be from mine. Not only were her parents still together, her dad was a cop. Regardless of the fact that he was an asshole, both of her parents liked me, and treated me well. She was a nerd and as conservative as could be. I was a unkempt trouble maker, and the bad-boy that she shouldn't be dating.
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Her and I broker up sometime in junior high, but remained friends. Awhile after I was transferred out of the high school we both attended, we ran into each other, and soon afterwards began dating again. It felt right, comfortable. I felt like I had regained my spot in their family, and I liked that. I didn't have much of a family or a home life, so their acceptance meant a lot to me.
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After high school, she went on to MSU and I got kicked out of my house and went to a local community college, we continued dating. I made the drive up to East Lansing from Detroit as much as I could, at least twice a week, and the following year, I moved up to State also.
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Our relationship was rocky at times, we broke up and got back together a lot. We both fooled around on each other throughout the years, but we always worked it out. We dated all through college. Our senior year I bough her a ring and she said yes.
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After graduation, she took a job for Kimberly Clark in New Milford Connecticut, I took a job back in Detroit. We said it wouldn't change anything between us. We were being stupid.
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When she called me to tell me she had found someone new, and was sending me my ring back, I was crushed beyond words. She had been my one steady thing throughout growing up, and in the fucked up crazy world of my home life, she was the constant, and now she was leaving for good.
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It took months for it to really sink in. I was a wreck. I didn't function very well for a while afterwards. Depression hit me hard and things were falling apart. Eventually, about 9 months later, I began to date again, but no one seemed to work for me, I wanted someone who was just like my ex, and I wasn't finding that.
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Eventually I met the girl who would become my wife. I fell in love with her quickly and after about a month, she was pretty much living with me. Two month's into our romance, I got a call from my ex.
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She was wrong. She realized that she had made a terrible mistake, and she should be with me, we were meant to be together. She was leaving her man, quitting her job, and moving back to Detroit from Connecticut (with no job prospects or place to live) and was going to win me back. I said no. I told her don't. She came anyway.
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The next few months were spent dealing with a stalker. She would sit in her car in front of my house. She would call and hang up when my girlfriend would answer. She had become unhinged.
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Eventually she got a new job, and the stalking slowed down. I got married and she disappeared.
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Years later I would run into her somewhere, and we became friends again. She had found a man and married him. She had two children, she was ok.
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Over the years we have kept in touch, mainly by email, at least once every few months. Her life has been a strained one. She had had affairs and dabbled in having a steady girlfriend on the side. She had always been a very conservative person, straight A's, no messing around, very serious. I was her bad boy, I was her outlet. She had married an accountant, someone who was by every outward appearance, her perfect match, but she needed something different. She has experimented with drugs, with bisexuality and younger men, she still does today all without her husband knowing. She emails me to talk about these things, because no one else would understand, I am still perceived to be associated with her dark side.
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We've never fooled around or anything while I've been married, in fact its never came up. She just vents to me about all of the horrible things she does now in her unsatisfying existence. I feel bad for her. I am writing this because I haven't spoken to her in a while, and I had a feeling today that something bad has happened to her, which may be true; also, I needed a serious blog entry, so why not this.
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